Ultimate Grand Supreme

Friends I have a confession- last night I watched Toddlers & Tiaras. The most acurate description I can find is like watching a wreck on TV- you don't really want to but you just can't turn away. Seeing as I've never been to a child paegant (what with there being no petite ones) I find this world quite fascinating. When I'm home my mother and I have taken to yelling out "Maaaaahy NiNi," a catch phrase from one of the "pros" at what may or may not be appropriate times. The kids are pretty cute although they don't look much like kids by the end of it all. Mostly they look sort of like dolls and since dolls- you know those creepy ones whose eyes follow you- freak me out, I am sort of terrified by this part of the show. The contestants have beauty (where they are judged on "facial beauty"), sometimes a talent portion and the perinneal favorite Wow Wear! Apparently Wow Wear is when the kid can wear whatever they (or their coach) want them to wear. This can range from anything to themed days to 80s wear to being a celebrity to being Julia Roberts in "Pretty Woman." Yes, you read that right. Julia Roberts in "Pretty Woman," as when she was a prostitute. Now I love that movie and I appreciate Julia and her crazy hair but that isn't something to be parading your 3 year old as. Apparently this pageant mom is now in hiding. Wellllll duh. Most people won't take to kindly to that. The sad thing is she won Ultimate Grand Supreme. Yes, queen is just not good enough so you want a supreme title where the crowns are roughly the size of a sidetable. I'm concerned about these children having back problems.

Yes People, it has.

The kids, cute though they may be with the exception of a few who their mothers call brats, are not the real stars of the show. No no. The real stars are the moms. Every once in a while there will be a nice well-adjusted mother who just wants her kid to have fun but that makes for rather boring TV. The heads that be over at TLC have hand-picked the most ridiculous mothers they could find. There are 3 basic types...

1. The former beauty queen- This type typically wants her daughter to follow in her footsteps despite the fact that their child may be the most wonderful soccer player ever. This mom is often seen at the side of the stage wearing a crown herself and doing exactly the same moves as her child. Please see Amy Poehler in "Mean Girls" for a reference.

2. The cray-cray one- One mom last night described herself as the "insane pageant mom." Yeah, not comforting. This is the mom who will say absolutely bizarro things, giggle incessantly, freak out when their child does not "pull for a higher title" and overall just give off that "we're going to have to put you on 'Hoarders' for hoarding all of your child's crowns" vibe.

3. The uber- competitive one- This is the mom who says she will "do anything to win." This includes but is not limited to mortaging the house. She will go find the pageant director when something is just the tiniest bit off or the music is wrong and she will storm off so don't get in her face.

Most of these women I'm sure have been edited to fit the story that TLC is selling but doggone if the editors aren't fantastic at it. As soon as the mom says little Miracle just loves pageants they cut to Miracle talking about how much she hates it. Check and mate TLC. They also choose to show the pageant moms in the most unflattering angles (playing up that whole living through your child things) and those lovely moments where the mom has a little touch of crazy around the eyes.

As entertaining as the editing may be, I just don't get it. I've had friends who've done Miss America before and I see how dedicated they are but the crux of it is that they love it and would also love the scholarship money. But the littles? I just don't understand it. Apparently there are something called "nautral" pageants but these are obviously not the best TV makers so they aren't featured. I mean winning and taking any money from it for a college fund sounds great but not when you spend thousands on one pageant- the dresses, the spray tanning (reason #716 why I could never win), the makeup, the flippers (dentures for you 5 year old! Sorry but I thought the point of losing your 2 front teeth was to show everyone), the glitz photos. If someone can explain this financial plan please help me because me and most of the dads they show just don't get it.

As terrifying as Toddlers & Tiaras is, there is a new show called "Dance Moms" that highlights a uber-competitive dance company where the teacher each week makes a pyramid of importance and the moms stand there horrified. This lady seriously makes me want to cry and hide in a corner and she isnt even my dance teacher. Did I miss out on entire culture in my childhood? I thought my snazzy gymnastics leotard I wore for our little performances (for our parents and unwilling brothers) were cool and felt like such a star. I also thought I wanted to be a mermaid at this point so there's that. So if you'll excuse me I'm going to go prance around in my own crown...

On Cars and Growing Up

Its time's like these that I realize that I don't quite want to be a grown up. When things in life just go horribly wrong and I long to curl up in a ball, give my Daddy the keys and pretend to be 5 again. So before I elaborate on how this is my life, here's a little background to why exatly I don't want to be a grownup.

I LOVE my car, Flounder. I seriously have no desire to replace it until absolutely necessary. Flounder and I met the fall of my senior year in high school when he became my early graduation gift. I was excited because a. It was a Jetta b. I liked the color and c. It was not the Intrepid I had been driving for the past 2 and half years that smelled like cross country funk (from my bro) and who's paint shed if you tried to wash it. I loved this car and I still do and even at 8 years old it still runs pretty well.

This is not Flounder but merely a distant cousin. I have zero photos of my car on my computer. Is that weird?

Except for last week. Then? It did not run well at all because it wasn't running. I know very little about cars. I know basics like how to check the oil, where to find my spare, how to call AAA, and when to call in a professional. So the other day when my car wouldn't start I thought it was a simple battery problem. Oh how I was wrong. So I called Triple A who came out and charged my battery. But the man (he never told me his name...) was concerned because he charged my battery really quick which apparently meant that something weird was going on. I assured him as he left that I was heading right over the car place to take it in. Which I was prepared to do had my car not died again. Frustration was mounting, the heat was stifling, and the skies were growing black. So I called a friend to jump off my car thinking surely it would be enough.

The first jump worked long enough to turn the car on then bam- nothing. The second jump (charged for the duration of Nicki Minaj's SuperBass) let me roll down the windows. I felt like crying (which I may have done over the phone to my dad because the windows were rolled down and it was going to rain gosh darn it!). I had zero clue what was going on but considering the car dealership is located over a rather large bridge, I decided that maybe risking the drive myself wasnt worth being stuck on the Cooper Rive Bridge at rush hour. So for the second time in an hour I called Triple A. That right there is a slice of humble pie. They were so concerned that the previous man who had come out called me back to make sure I was ok. Apparently calling twice in the hour isnt the norm. But I have to give it up for Triple A- they are always so nice and concerned about your safety. Although it is a little awkward to answer their service survey in front of the person working on your car. Just sayin.

Anyway, the tow finally arrived and the driver and I bonded over stupid car moments in our past as we drove little Flounder to the shop. Fun fact: I have never hit a moving object with my car. Nope, its always those dang curbs, poles, orange barrels (you see where this is going) that get me. Depth perception is not a strength. Thankfully the driver could not have been nicer and got me to the shop before they closed for the day. I simply gave them my keys and said "Please fix." and rode on home with a friend.

I always think car repairs take an incredible time so I was pretty excited when they at least called me the next morning. Seriously, I was like some desperate girl waiting by the phone for her crush to call, if that crush were to be Greg from the service department (we're on a first name basis). But that excitement when the phone rang was short lived. I ran out of class where Greg told me everything wrong with my car.

G: Well your car won't start because we need to replace the fuse panel and the alternator cable. (This is obviously paraphrased).

Me: Well I would like my car to start so I guess we should fix that. (I've never heard of either of these things so I'm just going to go with his judgement.)

G: Also, all of your brakes are metal on metal.

Me: Oh. Guess we should fix that too. (I know enough to know that those are important, seeing as like to stop the car on occassion.)

G: And m'am, just how long has your check engine light been on?

Me: Uhhhh, ummmm, a while?

G: Well.... and then he lists all the things that are causing it. Apparently Flounder's emissions are a little off or something like that. Maybe he's just cranky.

Me: Well then, I had no idea.

G: But what I'm really worried about (oh, dear) is your timing belt. (Another thing I have never heard of!) I'll paraphrase but this is apparently something important in the car that starts to stretch at 80,000 miles and should be replaced around 90,000. I'm at 97,000 which makes mechanic-types shudder a little bit.

Me: Well Greg, let me call my dad and I'll call you right back.

I go back to class, take a breather and call my dad during the next break where I relay the news. Breaks were on the plan anyway so those are go for launch but we'll just take our chances with everything else (also I was probably not the most accurate at relaying Greg's advice so I had it him right it down for me.) Guess what Santa is bringing me this year? Yep, a timing belt!

I call Greg (where I just say "Its me again!") and give him the go-ahead and he tells me the car will be ready by 4. What? 4? It takes longer for some women to get their hair done and you can make my car start and give me new breaks? Well then go ahead by all means. Long story short, I got back over there (thanks to great friends who drove me around) and gave VW a ridiculous amount of money and got Flounder safely back in my possession. I wish I had a photo of his homecoming but its sort of weird to just take a picture of your car- people look at you funny.

This is all a very roundabout way of saying that things like this make me scared to be a big kid. Cars are important to get around yet I am (mostly) clueless about apparently vital car organs. My dad did try to teach me some basics when I started learning to drive but they always ended up with me crying. Don't worry it was all me. I also cried the first time I drove and the first time I drove with my mom and almost ran into a ditch. Crying- its what's for dinner. So even though I can be adult about many other things in my life- you know going to get a flu shot, buying books, documenting my belongings when we think there's going to be a hurricane but there really isnt (Irene!), I doubt I will ever be fully independent in managing my car. Good thing I have a dad and brother who get this kinda stuff. Some of us are just are meant to understand it all (gosh I really hope Flounder doesn't take this the wrong way... oh wait its a car and can't read).

So until next time (which will be soon since I have tests coming up) I'm off to go find more Harry Potter humor blogs (yeah not helping with the whole adult thing am I)....

Invasion of the Chalk People

Friends, there is epidemic sweeping the nation and it must be addressed. You know what I’m referring to- chalk people. I have a certain distain for the chalk people decals frequenting car and minivan windows alike. You can’t drive a mile on the interstate without being taunted by the evil chalk people. I just don’t get it. If you have 2 kids, a dog and a cat that’s wonderful- I just don’t need to know that via you windshield.

I mean what happens when the baby on your window becomes a toddler? Do you just scratch him off and replace him? What about the five cats beside your family- do you add little halos over them when they die? And what if they have kittens? That can easily take up the entire back window. As a single woman, am I obligated to put a singular chalk person on my window with a question mark beside it? Should my parents put my brother and I on their car with graduation caps on us indicating that we’re no longer kids but still part of the family? The possibilities are endless.

And the chalk people invasion doesn’t stop there. Oh no. They have now grown to include your family’s interests. Like a college team? Put that on your chalk people’s shirts. Like Star Wars? Add in light sabers. Do you enjoy the occasional game of golf? Add it on the chalk! Perhaps you enjoy venturing to Disney World? Well put some mouse ears on it and call it a day. You know these things must be evil if I don’t like something associated with Disney. Gone are the days of declaring your alma matter or “I love my dog” with a simple bumper sticker. Oh no, this does not nearly emphasize the point enough. You obviously don’t love your dog if he is not part of your chalk family and your devotion to your team doesn’t mean anything unless your chalk kids have it on their shirts.

I’ve decided that the chalk people invasion has simply gone too far. How to remedy it? People will now be required to portray their (chalk) personas accurately.

Allison’s Chalk People Rules:

1. - Your current size and shape will be accurately portrayed, regardless of how you feel about it.
2. - Children will hold report cards that show accurate grades or “My child is just getting by at Such and Such Middle!”
3. - Moms will display an accurate use of their time- cooking, shoe shopping, PTA-climbing, and wine.
4. - Dads will be required to show their actual hobbies including attending Star Trek conventions and burning dinner.
5. - Your family’s true hobbies will be shown. No one really believes that all you do is go hiking together. Let’s be realistic- just put the TV on there.
6. - Pets will be shown doing what they do most of the day- sleeping, eating or pooping.

I hope we can all agree on these rules. I think they will lead to chalk-less society and will at least give the people working in a foreign country making these things a break from asking if the Americans have lost their damn minds.

Semester Run Down

Apparently another semester has ended. I am not entirely sure how we actually made it to the end as the summer is just a blur of tests, procrastination, reading blogs in class and sunburns from the beach. At some point I know I was stressed but it was a "laid-back" semester so I guess it never really registered on my freak-out-o-meter. This was supposed to be the summer of Monday Fundays since we rarely had class then but it turned into more Monday cram- everything-in-you-haven't-done-for-the past-week Fundays because we couldn't be bothered to actually do work. Apparently there is a form of grad school senioritis and it has hit my class pretty feverishly. This was the fourth of five semesters of class meaning that this time next year I will have a real j-o-b. Not that a job isnt exciting but I'm not quite sure I'm prepared to be an adult just yet. You want me to be in charge of people's welfare? I still appreciate cereal as a meal at all times of the day and prefer Disney movies! I'm also roughly the height of a 12 year old but I figure that won't change so I may as well work with it. I guess I have to prepare to enter the real world but that's not exactly going to be a priority over my 17 day summer.

But the summer wasn't all for naught- there were plenty of beach days, books read, weddings, and summer love because Project Runway is back y'all and Tim Gunn is the man of my dreams!

So without further adieu, here is the run down of the past few months...

• Blogs read during class: Shameful
• Times snooze button hit: roughly 200 but who's counting?
• Books read not for class: 6 and counting
• Seasons of Project Runway watched on Hulu: 2
• Times my brother made fun of my Netflix selections to study to: you don't want to know
• Field work sites locked in: 2 !!!
• Parking tickets on Folly Beach: 1 (thanks Officer Craig)
• Sunburns: only 2- a new record low!
• Movies seen where I feel like my adolescence ended: 1 (I'm looking at you Harry Potter)
• Movies watched with the kids I babysit: Too many to count but all Disney classics so I'm not complaining
• Number of times fell down concrete stairs at the apartment: 1 (ouch)
• Number of times insane neighbors broke the elevator (again!): I've stopped counting.
• Days where it was too hot to do anything outside: The whole summer
• Times my family referred to a cake as the "Better than sex cake": Enough for it to not be funny AT ALL
• Times a professor spoke to me for 10 minutes thinking I was someone else: 2. Embarassing, yes, but its sort of awkward to correct someone when you're wearing your name tag by your face.
• Number of episodes of Jersey Shore accidently watched: 1 - To be fair, I was making something for camp when my roommate turned on the Season 4 premiere. I must ask- its all a joke right? Its real like "The Hills" was real right? Snooki doesn't actually think Europe is a country right? How on earth do you not look at where your plane is going? I mean they even have the handy map of where you plane is going on the in-flight TVs. I know this because I was on an Ethiopian Air flight for 16 hours- surely MTV sprung for the airline that has TVs. And why wouldn't you check? Knowing MTV I would assume they would send me somewhere crazy that was most definitely not the agreed-upon destination. I refuse to believe that those people are actuallythat ridiculous. I'll just sleep better at night if I convince myself that some producer is feeding them lines to say- it just makes me feel better about the whole human race. Italy? You're welcome

Well that was a whirlwind semester. So if you'll excuse me I'm about to go take advantage of my 2 summer...

July: The Month of Crafting

I secretly want to be a designer- I want to be on Project Runway and be best friends with Tim Gunn. I so wish I was even a bit as talented with a sewing machine as those people or even as the amazing DIY bloggers who I follow along with in class. I may not be there yet but I have gone back to crafting and chanelling this stressful period of life into creative outlets.

I stumbled upon the blog Made (www.dana-made-it.com) and fell in love with the cute ideas she has- for little crafty things and clothes. Without sounding a bit creepy, this lady is totally my hero and I sort of want to be her when I grow up- making clothes for my kids, coming up with cute ideas, remaking things. I just love so many of these ideas that I got a little inspired, got my simple little sewing machine and started away..... until it broke. I was so darn angry- I had just gotten it, hadn't used it but 30 minutes and it was kaput. Thankfully the people at Hancock Fabric's were so sweet and exchanged it for me for a better version (and don't get the Singer Pixie no matter how cute the purple color!)

Over the next week I created the 2 little elastic waist skirts (the general direction can be found at the Made blog). I adore them- the colors, the little pockets (!!), that they fit perfectly on the waist and can be worn to class, church, dinner, wherever!

These skirts are so easy to make! Just two sides, add in the pockets, sew the casing for the elastic, sew the elastic down on the side to get the skrunch and your good to go! The first took significantly longer than the second given how long it had been since my last project. But I LOVE the way they turned out.

And contrasting pockets just make me smile!

I took left over scraps from the skirt materials to make the most precious flower hair clips. They literally take 2 minutes to make and I've always loved the idea of them, just not the price. Voila- personalized hair flowers.

Which I just happened to hang on some scrap material by my desk...

And which look adorable on the mirror I got for $4 and painted up. Please do note my current nail polish obsessions featured prominently.

I also picked up this linen shift at Goodwill for $5. (Please ignore the disatrous living room/ktichen/dining room- it had been a long week of tests). It was shapeless and too big but I loved the color (of course) and I love linen in the summer so....

I took it in, chopped it off, and used the extra materal to make an adorable ruffle. Go to rufflesandstuff.com to get ideas on how to make ruffles (and stuff!) but this could not have been any easier. I just pulled and pinned the ruffle. It was even cute enough to wear the next week out to sushi!

I really truly should be studying right now but blogging about summer crafting seemed like a productive form of procrastination. There are so many other projects I can't wait to try (and hope to share) although I should probably get through finals first....

We're Kinda Different...

A few weeks ago I got to go to Camp. Yes Camp Spearhead, one of my happiest places. I love camp but mostly I love the people- those amazing campers (all of whom have special needs) who bring me such joy. I got to spend an entire summer after my junior year working there, making some incredible memories and even better friends. But going back somewhere is always hard, even more so when the camp itself is completely different. To say they're not a lot a like is the understatement of the century. The camp I worked at was well-worn, full of little trails and sidewalk cracks (not the best when pushing a wheelchair up a hill), paint covered craft tables, a mildly dangerous lake, the stuffy counselor area where we spent many a night watching dumb movies. It was so visibly well-loved and full of so many memories, for campers and counselors a like. I was so nervous to return, mostly because I knew it would be so different. I could not fathom how nice the new camp is, how much more accessible it is, the cleanliness of it, knowing that it was so obviously designed specifically for some really incredible people. But of course I miss the old camp- I always will. Its where I spent my summer and many weekends. Its where I met some amazing people. Its where certain campers changed my life forever. Its where my bed for a summer said "Miss Allison, that's a rat" (true story!). I got to see the Thursday night Talent Show, some of my favorite campers, friends I haven't seen in almost 2 years, got to get gas at the world's sketchiest gas station at 11pm, and mostly I got to go back to place where I feel home. Returning made me miss it so much but also let me turn a page at the same time. I got to see it, experience it, breathe in the mountain air, hug so many people, and take it all in. Even more, it made me see how glad I am for my life to be going in the direction that it is and why I'm doing what I'm doing. Going back is bittersweet, knowing that I won't again get to be a 21 year camp counselor but the reward of seeing campers grow up, of the many hugs I got to give and receive was so so sweet and so worth the 8 hour round trip.

But really visit www.campspearhead.org to read about how incredible it and how it changes peoples lives :)

"Now we're kinda different but we don't care..."

Preparing to sing "World's Greatest"

My sweet sweet girl

One of the most wonderful people ever

A new camp tradition

June Happened in6 Photos

How is it already July? Where on earth did the month of June go? And while I'm glad to be halfway through summer semester, I'm not happy that its halfway through the summer. Even though classes have not been as bad this semester and have left plenty of room for beach days and naps, I love summer and I never want it to end (except in August when its 100% humidity). I have loved these lazy days, reading at the beach (and not school stuff either!), just spending time with friends. This is really my last summer as a student and as nice as it will be to have an income, I cherish these easy summer days and time to relax.

So far, this summer has been wonderful. Filled with love, the beach, sweet friends, crafting, wedding season, and joy. I've gotten to celebrate weddings and engagements, being a year out from graduation, silly jokes, and wonderful friends. I can hardly believe that this time last year I was deep in anatomy class and overwhelmed with trying to learn everything. In a year, I've learned that you will never learn everything and that sometimes it is completely worth it to take the time, take a breath, and enjoy the moment.

So here is June, in photo form.

There has been much crafting.

Maybe you don't love Sullivan's as much as I do. But oh how I love it.

After seeing the one and only Stephen Colbert.

The best part of home.

Wedding.

Sweet, sweet friends